My Thoughts: Super Mario 64 DS

When I first saw this game, and bought it for 30$, my thoughts were along the lines of "Oooh! Super Mario 64! I can relive my childhood days!" I have not played this game for 5 minutes before I felt my childhood getting raped. This game, like it's predecessor, is easy to play and you can collect a lot of stars before hitting a giant brick wall. But the difference is, this game has become over simplified. You no longer have many of the massively mindbogglingly complicated levels which force you to think outside the box, strategize, or do anything of the sort anymore. Smaller platforms are larger, and complicated scenarios are now waaay too easy in order for the ignorant kids of todays age to be saved from the act of thinking. Albeit many hard levels do exist, they are not as hard, or fun, as in the original game.

Fuck wall jumping, that was soooo 1990's.

They took all the challenge out of this game, the challenge that made it fun. They also took out the numerous aspects of this game that made it not for stupid children that refuse to think or solve simple tricks like the now missing wall jump. Mario now eats a flower and becomes an obese helium-filled mess so you float to high places.

Even in the character's they screwed it up. In the original game you were Mario, going to the castle in order to eat cake, simply to find the princess kidnapped, and you had to defeat Bowser to rescue her. How you start off as Yoshi... yeah, Yoshi... And it is Yoshi's job to save everyone. Really, Nintendo? After you saved them, you can play as Mario, Yoshi, Wario, and Luigi. All of them are basically the same character, and in many places you cannot even get a star unless you play as one specific character.

Then to screw it up more each character has their own different useless trait or power when they hit a ? box. Luigi walks on water for a few seconds, for instance. Also, instead of working for a specific trait, like metal Mario, you only have to press one button, all the boxes are red, no more green or blue boxes, and no more metal Mario. It is now metal Wario, and Transparent Luigi. I guess that fits, because no one noticed Luigi anyhow.

Also, caps are laid out around each stage, so in case you are Yoshi, and need to be Mario, just put on a red cap, and now you look just like Mario, just with Yoshi's voice (seems legit). in many levels you have to "have a mustache" (which is the idiocy this game now revolves around) and bosses now talk about those "mustached guys" they imprisoned. it's just dumb IMO.

Aaaaaaaand mini-games. You know when they add mini-games like this to the game, they made it for very small children. If I wanted to play mini-games in Mario, I would have stuck with Mario Party. Also, instead of one rabbit you have to catch for a star, you have to catch numerous rabbits, and all they give you is a stupid key to a mini-game. it's not even one or two you can avoid, they are hopping all over the danged place!

Also, just to tie it all up, isn't Wario a bad guy? He was a bad guy in all the previous games, but now he is being heroic? Really? I mean, WTF!? And why not add Waluigi instead of Yoshi as a playable character? He is also not in the Super Smash Brothers series as a playable character while Wario is in SSBB. I guess it sucks to be walweegie.

I spent 30$ on this game, and have 50 stars and all three characters unlocked in about 6 hours of gameplay, and I wasn't even trying. I still have yet to die of quicksand in the desert level either. And don't even get me started on the controls... I consider this a waste of money, I wanted the original Super Mario 64, not this crappy game. I give this game a 2 out of 10. They better not do a remake of Ocarina of Time next, I'd be pissed.